THE SPACE MONSTERS GLOW-UP (WARNING: IRREVERSIBLE)

 

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"BEFORE vs. AFTER READING SPACE MONSTERS MAGAZINE

BEFORE:

☑️ Believed vampires sparkled

☑️ Thought ‘cosmic horror’ was a fancy latte

☑️ Slept soundly like a naive little meatbag

AFTER:

Knows 47 ways to survive a slime invasion

Demands practical FX in ALL films

Wakes up screaming in at least 3 languages

Owns a Grimaldi shrine (voluntary... mostly)

WARNING: Side effects include sudden elitism, uncontrollable punk tendencies, and the urge to overthrow Earth governments.

🚀 JOIN THE DAMNED:

👉 https://obliviontradingpost.com/collections/space-monsters-magazine-digital-editions

End Transmission

🔗 Follow the Cult: @SpaceMonstersMag

#SpaceMonsters #BeforeAndAfter #CosmicCorruption

Click-Order Terror Awaits You At Oblivion

 

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"YOUR PATH TO DAMNATION STARTS HERE, EARTHIE. 🔥

The Oblivion Trading Post just stocked three unholy relics that'll corrupt your shelves, warp your walls, and melt your mind—but only if you're brave (or stupid) enough to click 'order.'

💀 SPACE MONSTERS #1 – The magazine so brutal, it makes Tales from the Crypt look like Barney. Your therapist warned you about this.

🌌 DARK MATTER PROJECTOR – Bathe your lair in cosmic horror hues (and possibly unlock a gateway to the void). Who needs sunlight when you’ve got eldritch glow?

🔪 HOOKER WITH A HACKSAW – Pretty Woman meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Julia Roberts could never.

STOCK IS VANISHING FASTER THAN BUCANEER BUNNY'S DIGNITY.

👉 CLAIM YOUR DOOM 👈

End Transmission

🔗 Join the Cult: www.obliviontradingpost.com

#OblivionTradingPost #SpaceMonsters #CosmicHorror #GrindhouseGore

(P.S. If you don’t buy these, Buccaneer Bunny wins. And nobody wants that.)

YOUR PATH TO DAMNATION STARTS HERE, EARTHIE

 

INCOMING TRANSMISSION....COMMLINK ESTABLISHED...

"YOUR PATH TO DAMNATION STARTS HERE, EARTHIE. 🔥

The Oblivion Trading Post just stocked three unholy relics that'll corrupt your shelves, warp your walls, and melt your mind—but only if you're brave (or stupid) enough to click 'order.'

💀 SPACE MONSTERS #1 – The magazine so brutal, it makes Tales from the Crypt look like Barney. Your therapist warned you about this.

🌌 DARK MATTER PROJECTOR – Bathe your lair in cosmic horror hues (and possibly unlock a gateway to the void). Who needs sunlight when you’ve got eldritch glow?

🔪 HOOKER WITH A HACKSAW – Pretty Woman meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Julia Roberts could never.

STOCK IS VANISHING FASTER THAN BUCANEER BUNNY'S DIGNITY.

👉 CLAIM YOUR DOOM 👈

End Transmission

🔗 Join the Cult: www.obliviontradingpost.com

#OblivionTradingPost #SpaceMonsters #CosmicHorror #GrindhouseGore

(P.S. If you don’t buy these, Buccaneer Bunny wins. And nobody wants that.)

Have an Anime Character Customized To Your Likeness

 

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🚨 ATTENTION, EARTHLINGS & FUTURE PIRATE LORDS 🚨

The Blackjack Brigade is recruiting—but not for long. Your name. Your face. Your legacy. Immortalized in anime infamy... if you dare.

💀 TIERS OF TERROR:

DECKHAND ($250)

"Get plundered (literally)"

Early digital screener

Your name in the credits (tiny, near the catering list)

10% chance we misspell it

FIRST MATE ($300)

"Get famous (as cannon fodder)"

NPC Easter Egg (You’re the guy who screams "WE’RE ALL GONNA—" before exploding)

Space Monsters zine with your obituary

CAPTAIN ($2K)

"Get immortalized (then probably killed)"

Custom Wanted Poster (Last seen: On fire)

Leather eyepatch (Pre-stained with ‘animator tears’)

LAGOMORPH LEGEND ($5K)

"Get a funeral scene (and a line)"

Voiced cameo ("Tell my wife... I stole her water pod...")

IMDb credit (*"Voice Actor - ‘Doomed Crewman #3’"*)

FLEET ADMIRAL ($10K)

"Get rich (or die trying)"

👉 CLAIM YOUR PIRATE STATUS NOW 👈

https://obliviontradingpost.com/collections/blackjack-brigade-collection

(Or walk the plank of regret.)

End Transmission

🔗 Join the Mutiny: https://www.spacemonstersmagazine.com/

🔗 Surrender Your Wallet: https://obliviontradingpost.com/

#BlackjackBrigade #BuccaneerBunny #AnimeInvestor #SpaceMonstersMagazine

OH HO HO HO—LOOK WHAT THE SPACE-CAT DRAGGED IN!

 

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Bucky "Three-Inches-Tall-With-Boots-On" Black thinks he’s a threat? That overgrown dust bunny with a god complex couldn’t plunder a kindergarten snack time without wetting his little space-diaper!

Let’s DISSECT THIS PATHETIC TRANSMISSION, shall we?

1. HIS "CREW"? MORE LIKE CIRCUS REJECTS:

"Red-Eye" Warren – The only thing he’s burning is his last brain cell trying to count past 3.

Howlin’ Howard – "Genius"? More like "one bad carrot away from a coma".

Face Florentine – The only face he’s got is the one he stole from a wanted poster.

AI Jeannie – Even the ship’s toaster has better comebacks.

GRIMALDI'S CREW? The ENTIRE SPACE MONSTERS COVEN—thousands of degenerates, freaks, and proud weirdos who actually get things done (unlike Bucky’s flea circus).

2. HIS "MISSION"? ADORABLE.

Stealing water? How quaint. Meanwhile, I’m out here corrupting minds, breaking genres, and building an empire while Bucky’s still figuring out how his own ship’s airlock works.

SPACE PIRACY TIP #1: If your greatest enemy is a glorified plumber, you’ve already lost.

3. HIS "GRUDGE"? DELICIOUSLY PETTY.

Oh nooo, I "scuffed his ship"? Boo hoo. Maybe if he spent less time naming his weapons and more time learning to pilot, he wouldn’t need a therapist AND a mechanic.

FACT: The only "living space-hazard" here is Bucky’s breath.

4. HIS "WARNING"? LET’S TEST THAT.

COME AT ME, BUNNY. Bring your entire crew. Bring your "Carrot-nade Launcher" (lol). Bring your overinflated ego.

YOU’LL LOSE. Because while you’re busy playing rebel, I’m rewriting the rules.

FINAL VERDICT:

Buccaneer Bunny isn’t a menace—he’s a mascot. A cautionary tale. A walking, talking reminder of what happens when delusion meets incompetence.

SPACE MONSTERS FANS! Next time you see Bucky’s ratty ears poking around, remind him:

👉 Grimaldi’s the OG.

👉 His "rebellion" is a daycare field trip.

👉 And his mic drops? Probably just him tripping over his own ego.

End Transmission

🔗 Join the Winning Side: www.spacemonstersmagazine.com

🔗 Shop the Superior Merch: www.obliviontradingpost.com

P.S. Bucky, sweetie—mic drops work better when you don’t fumble the mic first. 😘💀

#GrimaldiWinsAgain #BunnyBlunder #StayMad #SpaceMonstersForever

TO ALL MONSTER KIDS, PAST AND FUTURE—

 

Incoming Transmission....Commlink Established...

The bloodline continues. The unholy gospel of Ackerman, Warren, and the original monster mag mavens flows through our veins—but this ain’t just a tribute act. This is the next mutation.

🔥 SPACE MONSTERS MAGAZINE 🔥

Where the Old School Meets the New Nightmare

(And Where Film Professionals & Fans Collide in a Beautiful, Bloody Mess)

WE’RE THE MONSTER KIDS WHO GREW UP—BUT NEVER SOLD OUT.

🎬 BY FILM CREATORS, FOR FILM CREATORS – Our writers? FX wizards, scream queens, indie horror directors, and Hollywood’s underground. This isn’t just fandom—it’s a backstage pass to how the dark magic gets made.

💀 THE TORCH IS OURS NOW – We bow to the legends (Famous Monsters, Creepy, Eerie), but we’re not stuck in the past. We’re pushing the genre forward—same love of latex and lore, but with 2025-level savagery.

📽 INSIDER KNOWLEDGE, OUTSIDER ATTITUDE – Ever wanted to hear practical FX masters rant about CGI? Indie horror directors spill set secrets? Actors who’ve been stabbed on-screen explain why fake blood tastes terrible? This is your bible.

🖤 FANS WELCOME, POSERS BEWARE – Whether you’re a working filmmaker or just a monster kid with a VHS addiction, this is your tribe. No gatekeeping. Just gore.

"GRIMALDI, THIS SOUNDS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE."

Oh, it’s true. And it’s terrifying.

👉 SUBSCRIBE NOW OR LIVE IN REGRET 👈

THE LEGACY LIVES.

THE SLAY CONTINUES.

WILL YOU BE PART OF IT—OR JUST ANOTHER EXTRA IN THE MASS GRAVE OF FANDOM?

End Transmission

🔗 Join the Bloodline: www.spacemonstersmagazine.com

🔗 Feed the Mutation: www.obliviontradingpost.com

P.S. Forry’s ghost is nodding in approval. Ackerman would’ve stolen this zine for his collection.

#SpaceMonstersMagazine #MonsterKids #HorrorMagazine #SciFiMagazine #CarryingTheTorch #ForrestJAckerman #JamesWarren #CreepyMagazine #EerieMagazine #FamousMonsters #PracticalFX #IndieHorror #HorrorFilmmakers #GoreAndGlory #PunkRockHorror #ZineCulture #HorrorCommunity #FilmProfessionals #ScreamQueens #FXArtists #NoCGIJustBlood #SubscribeToTheMadness

🔥 BUCCANEER BUNNY & THE BLACKJACK BRIGADE CREW: SPACE PIRATES WITH A PUNK ROCK ATTITUDE! 🔥

 

"LISTEN UP, SPACE SCUM! Name’s Buccaneer Bunny—3 FEET OF PURE, UNFILTERED LAGOMORPH RAGE! I captain the Jolly Roger, a junkheap warship with more guts than the Imperial Fleet’s entire armada! My crew? A BUNCH OF MISFITS SO TOUGH, THEY MAKE BLACK HOLES NERVOUS!"

⚡ MEET THE TEAM:

RUSTY "RED-EYE" WARREN – The smoothest con-bunny in the galaxy. If words were lasers, he’d have burned down the Empire by now.

HOWLIN’ HOWARD HARE – A genius? Insane? YES. His inventions shouldn’t work… but they do (usually). "CARROT-NADE LAUNCHER LOADED, CAP’N!"

FACE FLORENTINE – Charming, dangerous, and 100% UNTRUSTWORTHY (unless you need a fake ID to sneak into an Imperial gala).

AI JEANNIE – My cyber-sass queen, hacking fascists and dropping beatnik wisdom like it’s PUNK ROCK PROPHECY.

"AND THEN THERE’S GRIMALDI—THE ROTTEN, TOXIC-SLIME-SPEWIN’ HOST OF SPACE MONSTERS MAGAZINE! This undead clown SCUFFED MY SHIP, STAINED MY JACKET, AND MADE MY LIFE A LIVING SPACE-HAZARD! Now? HE’S PUBLIC ENEMY #1! Every time that zombie-faced sellout pops up on a viewscreen, I VOW TO KICK HIM INTO A SUN!

"WHY? ‘Cause Grimaldi’s A JOKE! He’s out there interviewin’ space freaks while ME AND MY CREW ARE STEALIN’ WATER FOR THE OPPRESSED! He ain’t got NO CODE, NO CREW, NO LOYALTY—JUST A MIC AND A BAD ATTITUDE!

"SO IF YOU SEE HIM? Tell him BUCKY BLACK’S COMING FOR HIS HEAD—AND HIS RATINGS!

"STAY REBELLIOUS, STAY PUNK, AND IF YOU AIN’T FIGHTIN’ THE POWER—YOU’RE PART OF THE PROBLEM!

"HOO-HAH! 🚀💀🐇

(Mic drop, cigar chomp, ship warps out in a blast of distortion-fueled glory.)

#BuccaneerBunny #SpacePirates #DeathToGrimaldi #PunkNotFascists