7 INCHES OF COSMIC MENACE: THE GRIMALDI ACTION FIGURE IS HERE

 

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"FINALLY, A TOY WORTHY OF YOUR DAMNATION!

The OFFICIALLY LICENSED GRIMALDI ACTION FIGURE has arrived—7 inches of reanimated cosmic horror, ready to corrupt your shelf and haunt your nightmares.

FEATURES INCLUDE:

✔ Articulated limbs (for maximum sinister posing)

✔ Glow-in-the-dark slime (because regular slime is for amateurs)

PREPARE FOR CORRUPTION:

👉 https://obliviontradingpost.com/products/officially-licensed-grimaldi-action-figure

End Transmission

🔗 Join the Cult: Space Monsters

#GrimaldiActionFigure #HorrorToys #SpaceMonsters

YOUR PATH TO DAMNATION STARTS HERE, EARTHIE

 

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"YOUR PATH TO DAMNATION STARTS HERE, EARTHIE. 🔥

The Oblivion Trading Post just stocked three unholy relics that'll corrupt your shelves, warp your walls, and melt your mind—but only if you're brave (or stupid) enough to click 'order.'

💀 SPACE MONSTERS #1 – The magazine so brutal, it makes Tales from the Crypt look like Barney. Your therapist warned you about this.

🌌 DARK MATTER PROJECTOR – Bathe your lair in cosmic horror hues (and possibly unlock a gateway to the void). Who needs sunlight when you’ve got eldritch glow?

🔪 HOOKER WITH A HACKSAW – Pretty Woman meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Julia Roberts could never.

STOCK IS VANISHING FASTER THAN BUCANEER BUNNY'S DIGNITY.

👉 CLAIM YOUR DOOM 👈

End Transmission

🔗 Join the Cult: www.obliviontradingpost.com

#OblivionTradingPost #SpaceMonsters #CosmicHorror #GrindhouseGore

(P.S. If you don’t buy these, Buccaneer Bunny wins. And nobody wants that.)

THE SPACE MONSTERS GLOW-UP (WARNING: IRREVERSIBLE)

 

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"BEFORE vs. AFTER READING SPACE MONSTERS MAGAZINE

BEFORE:

☑️ Believed vampires sparkled

☑️ Thought ‘cosmic horror’ was a fancy latte

☑️ Slept soundly like a naive little meatbag

AFTER:

Knows 47 ways to survive a slime invasion

Demands practical FX in ALL films

Wakes up screaming in at least 3 languages

Owns a Grimaldi shrine (voluntary... mostly)

WARNING: Side effects include sudden elitism, uncontrollable punk tendencies, and the urge to overthrow Earth governments.

🚀 JOIN THE DAMNED:

👉 https://obliviontradingpost.com/collections/space-monsters-magazine-digital-editions

End Transmission

🔗 Follow the Cult: @SpaceMonstersMag

#SpaceMonsters #BeforeAndAfter #CosmicCorruption

Click-Order Terror Awaits You At Oblivion

 

INCOMING TRANSMISSION....COMMLINK ESTABLISHED...

"YOUR PATH TO DAMNATION STARTS HERE, EARTHIE. 🔥

The Oblivion Trading Post just stocked three unholy relics that'll corrupt your shelves, warp your walls, and melt your mind—but only if you're brave (or stupid) enough to click 'order.'

💀 SPACE MONSTERS #1 – The magazine so brutal, it makes Tales from the Crypt look like Barney. Your therapist warned you about this.

🌌 DARK MATTER PROJECTOR – Bathe your lair in cosmic horror hues (and possibly unlock a gateway to the void). Who needs sunlight when you’ve got eldritch glow?

🔪 HOOKER WITH A HACKSAW – Pretty Woman meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Julia Roberts could never.

STOCK IS VANISHING FASTER THAN BUCANEER BUNNY'S DIGNITY.

👉 CLAIM YOUR DOOM 👈

End Transmission

🔗 Join the Cult: www.obliviontradingpost.com

#OblivionTradingPost #SpaceMonsters #CosmicHorror #GrindhouseGore

(P.S. If you don’t buy these, Buccaneer Bunny wins. And nobody wants that.)

YOUR PATH TO DAMNATION STARTS HERE, EARTHIE

 

INCOMING TRANSMISSION....COMMLINK ESTABLISHED...

"YOUR PATH TO DAMNATION STARTS HERE, EARTHIE. 🔥

The Oblivion Trading Post just stocked three unholy relics that'll corrupt your shelves, warp your walls, and melt your mind—but only if you're brave (or stupid) enough to click 'order.'

💀 SPACE MONSTERS #1 – The magazine so brutal, it makes Tales from the Crypt look like Barney. Your therapist warned you about this.

🌌 DARK MATTER PROJECTOR – Bathe your lair in cosmic horror hues (and possibly unlock a gateway to the void). Who needs sunlight when you’ve got eldritch glow?

🔪 HOOKER WITH A HACKSAW – Pretty Woman meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Julia Roberts could never.

STOCK IS VANISHING FASTER THAN BUCANEER BUNNY'S DIGNITY.

👉 CLAIM YOUR DOOM 👈

End Transmission

🔗 Join the Cult: www.obliviontradingpost.com

#OblivionTradingPost #SpaceMonsters #CosmicHorror #GrindhouseGore

(P.S. If you don’t buy these, Buccaneer Bunny wins. And nobody wants that.)

Have an Anime Character Customized To Your Likeness

 

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🚨 ATTENTION, EARTHLINGS & FUTURE PIRATE LORDS 🚨

The Blackjack Brigade is recruiting—but not for long. Your name. Your face. Your legacy. Immortalized in anime infamy... if you dare.

💀 TIERS OF TERROR:

DECKHAND ($250)

"Get plundered (literally)"

Early digital screener

Your name in the credits (tiny, near the catering list)

10% chance we misspell it

FIRST MATE ($300)

"Get famous (as cannon fodder)"

NPC Easter Egg (You’re the guy who screams "WE’RE ALL GONNA—" before exploding)

Space Monsters zine with your obituary

CAPTAIN ($2K)

"Get immortalized (then probably killed)"

Custom Wanted Poster (Last seen: On fire)

Leather eyepatch (Pre-stained with ‘animator tears’)

LAGOMORPH LEGEND ($5K)

"Get a funeral scene (and a line)"

Voiced cameo ("Tell my wife... I stole her water pod...")

IMDb credit (*"Voice Actor - ‘Doomed Crewman #3’"*)

FLEET ADMIRAL ($10K)

"Get rich (or die trying)"

👉 CLAIM YOUR PIRATE STATUS NOW 👈

https://obliviontradingpost.com/collections/blackjack-brigade-collection

(Or walk the plank of regret.)

End Transmission

🔗 Join the Mutiny: https://www.spacemonstersmagazine.com/

🔗 Surrender Your Wallet: https://obliviontradingpost.com/

#BlackjackBrigade #BuccaneerBunny #AnimeInvestor #SpaceMonstersMagazine

OH HO HO HO—LOOK WHAT THE SPACE-CAT DRAGGED IN!

 

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Bucky "Three-Inches-Tall-With-Boots-On" Black thinks he’s a threat? That overgrown dust bunny with a god complex couldn’t plunder a kindergarten snack time without wetting his little space-diaper!

Let’s DISSECT THIS PATHETIC TRANSMISSION, shall we?

1. HIS "CREW"? MORE LIKE CIRCUS REJECTS:

"Red-Eye" Warren – The only thing he’s burning is his last brain cell trying to count past 3.

Howlin’ Howard – "Genius"? More like "one bad carrot away from a coma".

Face Florentine – The only face he’s got is the one he stole from a wanted poster.

AI Jeannie – Even the ship’s toaster has better comebacks.

GRIMALDI'S CREW? The ENTIRE SPACE MONSTERS COVEN—thousands of degenerates, freaks, and proud weirdos who actually get things done (unlike Bucky’s flea circus).

2. HIS "MISSION"? ADORABLE.

Stealing water? How quaint. Meanwhile, I’m out here corrupting minds, breaking genres, and building an empire while Bucky’s still figuring out how his own ship’s airlock works.

SPACE PIRACY TIP #1: If your greatest enemy is a glorified plumber, you’ve already lost.

3. HIS "GRUDGE"? DELICIOUSLY PETTY.

Oh nooo, I "scuffed his ship"? Boo hoo. Maybe if he spent less time naming his weapons and more time learning to pilot, he wouldn’t need a therapist AND a mechanic.

FACT: The only "living space-hazard" here is Bucky’s breath.

4. HIS "WARNING"? LET’S TEST THAT.

COME AT ME, BUNNY. Bring your entire crew. Bring your "Carrot-nade Launcher" (lol). Bring your overinflated ego.

YOU’LL LOSE. Because while you’re busy playing rebel, I’m rewriting the rules.

FINAL VERDICT:

Buccaneer Bunny isn’t a menace—he’s a mascot. A cautionary tale. A walking, talking reminder of what happens when delusion meets incompetence.

SPACE MONSTERS FANS! Next time you see Bucky’s ratty ears poking around, remind him:

👉 Grimaldi’s the OG.

👉 His "rebellion" is a daycare field trip.

👉 And his mic drops? Probably just him tripping over his own ego.

End Transmission

🔗 Join the Winning Side: www.spacemonstersmagazine.com

🔗 Shop the Superior Merch: www.obliviontradingpost.com

P.S. Bucky, sweetie—mic drops work better when you don’t fumble the mic first. 😘💀

#GrimaldiWinsAgain #BunnyBlunder #StayMad #SpaceMonstersForever